8、第 8 章 ...
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Cynthia couldn t believe that she was wearing Lance s bed gown, bared feet step on the white long fur carpet, red flame in the fireplace warm her,
she leaned by the side of the fire, staring at the ceiling, all the furniture and decoration in the hall were all roman style, and a elegant black piano stand by the corner.
All it was like a dream, lance was having shower; she dazed and waited him.
Lance stepped out and found Cynthia was sleeping, he taking her to her bedroom.
Sparing spring festival was really a intimate thought, but he persuade himself that he’s just lonely, especially in this special days, he need someone accompany with him, she’s a good partner, she’s not beautiful, but beauty is too cheap for him, if he want, he can got thousands with his money, but he had got bored of them.
Cynthia was different, she’s plain, soft, silence and tender. Just the one made him felt relax.
It was raining slightly on the spring festival, Lance played the piano in the morning, and they had a walk in the wood in the afternoon, Lance hold the yellow umbrella for her. The intimacy between them made her flushed. All those were in dream.
Servants was absent in the day after spring festival, Cynthia do the cooking for him, the yellow dim light was very gentle in the dinner room, soft music accompanied, they said few when having dinner, in a moment, she felt her lonely heart was filled, and warm, a slight warm she had never felt, she wished these holiday days would never end.
They seldom say any words in these days, but she know the meaning of anyone of his expression, just a eye sight, she could know what he want and got it for him. She like the feeling stay by his side, he’s like a king, and she’s his maid, no other wish.
Cynthia arrived at office very early, tidy up Lance s office and the big office, prepared a cup of hot coffee for Lance. With the anxious passion, she felt she had waited for him for a long time, when he appeared at the door, she was happy to jump. But when her zealous eye met his cold eye lights, her smile froze and the turn out into a polite greeting.
Lance just turn his back coldly, walk into his office without any additional emotion showed to her as if he could not see her there.
But she was there.
Cynthia felt her heart was aching to death, how could he has changed attitude just in a day as could as this, she find the Lance she love so much had disappear, now the man she faced is another man, this cold man as he was described in this commercial circle.
She felt so cold, but she need to pretend just nothing had happy, pretend she could not felt, cold not hear.
He was so grudge, not even a smile, or she doesn’t worth it?
She was just nothing; nothing different from the other girls around him.
She ought to know that Lance was not the man she had illusion in her mind, the man she dreamed was never true, how could she, how could she still have dream in him, but she could not help, her heart was aching.
He was just the cold man, she saw when the first time she saw him, nothing will change
As days went by, the day she returned to school is nearer and nearer, the day she send her paper would be in the weekend, perhaps she could do a part-time job, but it's no possibility to be his secretary again, she treasure this days she spare with lance, even the way he see her like she was transparent.
She did all things carefully, arrange the meeting, neaten the files, and put a cup of hot coffee on his desk before he began to work. No matter how late he worked over time, she was there accompanying him and buy the snack for him, neaten the files and the office after he work off, she did her best to fulfill her duty and rarely say a word.
Cynthia stood by the big willow tree, she checked in right now, Charles -- her classmate and the chairman of the student union. Said he had some words with him, she need to wait him, but she just took a short leave from company, she must went back to company before 4:00pm.
She had prepared the resignation, she would hand in it before the end the of the day 's work, she felt the days she worked in Han's company were so fast, she don't want to say goodbye, but she need to back to her study life and no one would use a part-time secretary, let along she was just a assistant of the secretary, but she had never seen the secretary herself, she had heard much about the secretary-- Elaine, she was said to be very beautiful and capable. She was anxious, she don't want to be late, she had never be late in this company and she has many things to do in this afternoon, she was about to prepare for the meeting, and there was still 3 pieces files need to be printed out and sent to Lance to sign it.
When Charles appeared before her, she feel she could get relax, and she'd go at once to her office. Lance was waiting for her preparing the meeting for him.
"I want to be the voice chairman of the student's union. " Charles stated out.
“The voice chairman of student’s union? Me?” she wonder if she take the wrong massage, she don’t think she’s the good choice for this position.
“Yes, quite sure, you!”
her surprise expression is really funny, the first sight everyone saw her would believe she’s really plain, but with a touch of few months, every would found she’s easy to got on with, she’s a little timid, but very tender, cute, do everything carefully, the most impotent is she has the air of made everyone by her side feel relax and comfortable, perhaps it because her plain, give no feeling of pressure, he believed she could do it well as his assistant.
“But I don’t sure I can do it.”
“Have a thought of it, ok? I want to have your answer by next Monday.”
Cynthia went back to her office with resignation in her pocket, perhaps it will be her last time to see Lance, she felt there was something lost in her heart, the idea she could never see lance made her feel ill, and she know it from the beginning, but persuade she get used of it and she could pretend there was nothing changed in her mind.
“Where had you gone, the meeting’s nearly began”
No doubt, she had used of his angry voice.
“I had to check in today, you know, I had take leave with you.” She explained with her soft words. Preparing the meeting.
“You will back to school? Ah?” he just don’t used to her absence, say the truth, she’s a good secretary.
“Yes, my resignation’s here.”
Dare to resign? He will talk with her after the meeting.
The meeting was over, Cynthia was busy with the meeting minutes, she must made all her job done, it made her felt painful that she must leave but she would treasure these days in her memory.
“Come in, I had something to say with you.”
When she came into his office, she really don’t know what she had done wrong in his blaming eyes.
“You want to resign?”
“I can’t take this full time job after the term’s begin.”
“You are my secretary from now on, you are a clever girl, I know you can deal with it.”
The happiness was so soon, left long heavy depress and sorrow.
Joyful memory was like a dream, but sorrow was so real existing and will last long enough to lick up her bleeding heart.
It was in the flowing city, the cold city, he could never know how she felt of him, how much she loved him, all this pain would be swallowed by herself, this wound would never be heal, how could she fell love with such a cold man, all she could get, was hurt again and again, she know it from the beginning, from the moment she saw him for the first time, but she could not help falling love with him. She felt so painful, felt she could not love again, but when his imagine came into his sight, her love for him fired again, she gave herself, her heart to him, he just tear them into pieces again and again, she was left there to taste the broken heart.
It was like a big hole in her heart, she could not thought, could not breathe, she fell down on the street in the big rain, it was so painful, her heart was aching so bad, like the life was meaningless, like she don’t want to live anymore, death was far better to her, but she couldn’t, she had her child, no matter it would be a boy or a girl, she love him, she could not kill him. He would look like his father, she would bring him up, she also had her hope.
In the end, all the memory was like a dream, Cynthia was standing in the cold rain, the past was like moving picture, playing livingly in her mind. She don't know whether it's tear or the raindrop on her check, life was meaningless for her in a second, but she recalled the baby she of Lance had, it a new little life. she could not kill him. she would love him very much, her lovely baby, it was her new hope, the thing made her still want to lea
But she could still be free, she's free now, all the burden and inconfidence which had depressed her so much seemed to be turned into foam. the memory, no matter it is happy or unhappy, they all seemed like dreams, and now she felt she was free, so free in the fresh air in a city she had never come.
All she got after so many years was her son, her lovely son, as a memory of the past, she felt she had drawed all her passion, love and the hope toward the future on him, he was all she got, and she felt she could not love again. love any man,
Love is like flower in the mist
It came by the mid-night and faded before the dawn
It was like the spring dream, which could not last
It was like the morning clouds you don't know where it had gone.
Once you had loved so deep and was hurt so deep
You would found that you could not love again.
The heavy rain dropped on her weak shoulder, she was wet from head to feet, she was so cold, the cold sting into her bone, but it could not match the pain in her heart, no tomorrow, no future, she’s really too tired, too tired and despair, she would drop down, and sleep forever, never wake, a faint smile appeared on her pale lip, no suffering anymore. But a anxious thought scraped in her mind, her child. She don’t want to lose him.
It was in a little city in the southern Taipei where no one could think out she would stayed there. It was very lucky that she could find a job as a designer in an upholstery company.
