《吉檀迦利(Gitanjali)》顾惜之

5、第41~50首

　　41
　　Where dost thou stand behind them all, my lover, hiding thyself in the shadows? They push thee and pass thee by on the dusty road, taking thee for naught. I wait here weary hours spreading my offerings for thee, while passers-by come and take my flowers, one by one, and my basket is nearly empty.
　　The morning time is past, and the noon. In the shade of evening my eyes are drowsy with sleep. Men going home glance at me and smile and fill me with shame. I sit like a beggar maid, drawing my skirt over my face, and when they ask me, what it is I want, I drop my eyes and answer them not.
　　Oh, how, indeed, could I tell them that for thee I wait, and that thou hast promised to come. How could I utter for shame that I keep for my dowry this poverty. Ah, I hug this pride in the secret of my heart.
　　I sit on the grass and gaze upon the sky and dream of the sudden splendour of thy coming---all the lights ablaze, golden pennons flying over thy car, and they at the roadside standing agape, when they see thee come down from thy seat to raise me from the dust, and set at thy side this ragged beggar girl a-tremble with shame and pride, like a creeper in a summer breeze.
　　But time glides on and still no sound of the wheels of thy chariot. Many a procession passes by with noise and shouts and glamour of glory. Is it only thou who wouldst stand in the shadow silent and behind them all? And only I who would wait and weep and wear out my heart in vain longing?
　　你站在众人背后，藏身于何处的阴影，吾爱？尘路上，他们将你推开，走过你的身畔，对你不予理睬。我花费数个烦倦的时辰，呈上献礼等候在此，过路人带走我的花儿，一朵又一朵，我的花篮快要空了。
　　早晨过去了，继而是晌午。暮色中，我倦眼欲眠。归家的人们瞥向我，向我微笑，令我满心羞意。我坐在这里，像个行乞的少女，拉起裙子盖住颜面，当他们问起我欲何求，我垂目无以回应。
　　噢，真是，我怎能告诉他们我在等你，而你也承诺会到来。我怎能羞颜说出，我的妆奁就是贫穷。啊，我紧守着这种骄荣，在我心隐密之处。
　　我坐在草丛上，凝望天空，梦想着你到来时陡现的辉煌——所有的灯烛光辉闪耀，燕尾金旗飘扬在车辇之上，你在路旁众人瞠目之下，从车座上下来，自尘埃中将我扶起，让我坐在你身旁。这褴褛的丐女羞惭而又自豪，像藤蔓在暑月清风里颤摇。
　　时光悄悄流逝，我却仍听不到你的车轮声响。许多仪仗都在喧闹叫喊和荣耀光辉中路过。难道你只会伫立人群之后，在阴影中默默无言？难道我只能等待和哭泣，在徒劳的守望中耗尽心力？

　　42
　　Early in the day it was whispered that we should sail in a boat, only thou and I, and never a soul in the world would know of this our pilgrimage to no country and to no end.
　　In that shoreless ocean, at thy silently listening smile my songs would swell in melodies, free as waves, free from all bondage of words.
　　Is the time not come yet? Are there works still to do? Lo, the evening has come down upon the shore and in the fading light the seabirds come flying to their nests.
　　Who knows when the chains will be off, and the boat, like the last glimmer of sunset, vanish into the night?
　　在清晨的密语中，我们约定泛舟同游，只有你和我，世上没有一个人会知道我们这无目的亦无止息的漂流。
　　在无边的海洋上，在你静听的微笑中，我的歌儿抑扬高起，海波一样自由，不受任何言语羁束。
　　时间还没到吗？你还有工作未了？看，暮色已经笼罩海岸，渐褪的光明里，海鸟纷纷归巢。
　　谁知晓何时锁链得解，令这船儿会像那落日余晖般，消失于黑夜？

　　43
　　The day was when I did not keep myself in readiness for thee; and entering my heart unbidden even as one of the common crowd, unknown to me, my king, thou didst press the signet of eternity upon many a fleeting moment of my life.
　　And today when by chance I light upon them and see thy signature, I find they have lain scattered in the dust mixed with the memory of joys and sorrows of my trivial days forgotten.
　　Thou didst not turn in contempt from my childish play among dust, and the steps that I heard in my playroom are the same that are echoing from star to star.
　　那天，我并未做好准备迎候你；你不速自来入我心中，竟如一个素昧平生的凡人，我的王，你在我生命中许多流光里，盖上了永恒的印记。
　　而今天，我偶然发现了它们，并看到你的印记，才见它们乱置尘埃，混杂着被遗忘的平凡日子里，那些欢乐悲伤的记忆。
　　你没有不屑地撇开我在尘土中的儿戏，我在玩耍的屋子里听见的足音，那时也正在星辰间声声回鸣。

　　44
　　This is my delight, thus to wait and watch at the wayside where shadow chases light and the rain comes in the wake of the summer.
　　Messengers, with tidings from unknown skies, greet me and speed along the road. My heart is glad within, and the breath of the passing breeze is sweet.
　　From dawn till dusk I sit here before my door, and I know that of a sudden the happy moment will arrive when I shall see.
　　In the meanwhile I smile and I sing all alone. In the meanwhile the air is filling with the perfume of promise.
　　守望在路旁，这是我的快乐，当阴影追逐着晴光，雨水在夏日初醒时降下。
　　使者们从未知的诸天捎来音信，向我致意又匆匆赶路。我衷心欢畅，吹过的清风带着甜香。
　　我坐在门前，由破晓直到黄昏，我知道我一见你，快乐的时刻便倏忽来临。
　　此时，我独自微笑和歌吟。此时，空气中满溢着诺许的芬芳。

　　45
　　Have you not heard his silent steps? He comes, comes, ever comes.
　　Every moment and every age, every day and every night he comes, comes, ever comes.
　　Many a song have I sung in many a mood of mind, but all their notes have always proclaimed, `He comes, comes, ever comes.'
　　In the fragrant days of sunny April through the forest path he comes, comes, ever comes.
　　In the rainy gloom of July nights on the thundering chariot of clouds he comes, comes, ever comes.
　　In sorrow after sorrow it is his steps that press upon my heart, and it is the golden touch of his feet that makes my joy to shine.
　　你没有听见他静悄的脚步吗？他正在走来，走来，不停地走来。
　　每一时刻，每个年代，每个白昼，每个夜晚，他总在走来，走来，不停地走来。
　　我以种种心情，唱过许多歌儿，但每个音符都总在宣扬：“他在走来，走来，不停地走来。”
　　四月芬芳的晴日里，他从林间小径走来，走来，不停地走来。
　　七月阴暗的雨夜里，他乘着雷声震震的云辇，前进，前进，一直向此行进。
　　忧愁相继中，是他的脚步踏在我心上，是他双脚点金般的接触，令我的快乐泛出辉光。

　　46
　　I know not from what distant time thou art ever coming nearer to meet me. Thy sun and stars can never keep thee hidden from me for aye.
　　In many a morning and eve thy footsteps have been heard and thy messenger has come within my heart and called me in secret.
　　I know not only why today my life is all astir, and a feeling of tremulous joy is passing through my heart.
　　It is as if the time were come to wind up my work, and I feel in the air a faint smell of thy sweet presence.
　　我不知道从多久以前起，你就一直走近来与我相遇。
　　你的太阳和星辰永不能将你从我眼前藏起。
　　在许多个清晨和傍晚，我曾听见你的足音，你的使者曾来到我心里，秘密地召唤我。
　　我不知道为什么今天我的生命全然激沸，一种狂喜之感穿过我心。
　　就像结束工作的时间已然到来，我感到空气中有你存在的微馨。

　　47
　　The night is nearly spent waiting for him in vain. I fear lest in the morning he suddenly come to my door when I have fallen asleep wearied out. Oh friends, leave the way open to him---forbid him not.
　　If the sounds of his steps does not wake me, do not try to rouse me, I pray. I wish not to be called from my sleep by the clamorous choir of birds, by the riot of wind at the festival of morning light. Let me sleep undisturbed even if my lord comes of a sudden to my door.
　　Ah, my sleep, precious sleep, which only waits for his touch to vanish. Ah, my closed eyes that would open their lids only to the light of his smile when he stands before me like a dream emerging from darkness of sleep.
　　Let him appear before my sight as the first of all lights and all forms. The first thrill of joy to my awakened soul let it come from his glance. And let my return to myself be immediate return to him.
　　长夜将尽，徒劳等他人未见。我唯恐清晨倦极入睡，他又忽降门前。噢，朋友们，为他留着门罢——别挡住他。
　　若是他的足音未将我惊醒，请不要叫醒我。我不愿被群鸟的啁哳合唱，和庆祝晨光的狂乱风声从睡梦中唤起。让我不受打扰地安睡，即使我的主忽降我门前。
　　啊，我的睡眠，珍贵的睡眠，只会等待他的触抚才会消散。啊，我合拢的双眼，只会为了他微笑的容光才会睁开，当他站在我面前，像一个幽黑睡眠里浮现的梦幻。
　　让他作为最初的光明和最初的形影，进入我的视野。让我苏醒灵魂最初的震悦，来自他眼眸一瞥。让我自我的返回，成为向他的即刻依归。

　　48
　　The morning sea of silence broke into ripples of bird songs; and the flowers were all merry by the roadside; and the wealth of gold was scattered through the rift of the clouds while we busily went on our way and paid no heed.
　　We sang no glad songs nor played; we went not to the village for barter; we spoke not a word nor smiled; we lingered not on the way. We quickened our pave more and more as the time sped by.
　　The sun rose to the mid sky and doves cooed in the shade. Withered leaves danced and whirled in the hot air of noon. The shepherd boy drowsed and dreamed in the shadow of the banyan tree, and I laid myself down by the water and stretched my tired limbs on the grass.
　　My companions laughed at me in scorn; they held their heads high and hurried on; they never looked back nor rested; they vanished in the distant blue haze. They crossed many meadows and hills, and passed through strange, far-away countries. All honour to you, heroic host of the interminable path! Mockery and reproach pricked me to rise, but found no response in me. I gave myself up for lost in the depth of a glad humiliation---in the shadow of a dim delight.
　　The repose of the sun-embroidered green gloom slowly spread over my heart. I forgot for what I had travelled, and I surrendered my mind without struggle to the maze of shadows and songs.
　　At last, when I woke from my slumber and opened my eyes, I saw thee standing by me, flooding my sleep with thy smile. How I had feared that the path was long and wearisome, and the struggle to reach thee was hard!
　　清晨的静海碎成鸟语的微波；道旁百花皆欣喜欢悦；云隙间散射灿烂金光，当我们匆忙赶路无心留意。
　　我们没有唱欢歌，也没有祈祷；我们不是去村庄换物交易；我们一语不发，也不露微笑；我们一路都不曾流连。我们一再加快脚步，当时光飞驰。
　　太阳升上中天，鸽子在凉荫中咕咕。落叶在午间热风中旋舞。牧童在菩提树下昏昏入梦，我躺在水边，在草上舒展疲累的手足。
　　我的同伴们嘲笑我；他们昂起头向前赶路；他们从不回头或休憩；他们消失在远方碧霭之中。他们穿过许多草地和山丘，经过陌生遥远的国度。所有的荣耀属于你们，漫漫长路上的英雄队伍！嘲笑和责备激促我起身，可我却没有反应。我甘心迷失在我乐意承受的耻辱的深渊中——在一种模糊喜悦的阴影里。
　　日色镶金的绿阴的幽静，慢慢笼罩了我的心。我忘了行程的目的，我的心神毫无抵抗，就向树荫和鸟鸣的迷惑投降。
　　最后，当我从沉睡中醒来，睁开双眼，我看到你站在我身边，用你的微笑照沐我的睡眠。我曾何等惧怕路远迢迢、摧折人力，怕到你面前的努力艰难！

　　49
　　You came down from your throne and stood at my cottage door.
　　I was singing all alone in a corner, and the melody caught your ear. You came down and stood at my cottage door.
　　Masters are many in your hall, and songs are sung there at all hours. But the simple carol of this novice struck at your love. One plaintive little strain mingled with the great music of the world, and with a flower for a prize you came down and stopped at my cottage door.
　　你从王座上下来，站在我草舍门前。
　　我正在屋角独自歌唱，歌声被你听见。你下来站在我草舍门前。
　　你的大厅里有许多名家，无时无刻没有歌谣咏唱。可我这初学者简单的颂曲，却正中你的心扉。一支忧伤的歌儿和世界的宏大音乐交汇和鸣，你还带了一朵花作为奖赏，下来停在我草舍门前。

　　50
　　I had gone a-begging from door to door in the village path, when thy golden chariot appeared in the distance like a gorgeous dream and I wondered who was this King of all kings!
　　My hopes rose high and methought my evil days were at an end, and I stood waiting for alms to be given unasked and for wealth scattered on all sides in the dust.
　　The chariot stopped where I stood. Thy glance fell on me and thou camest down with a smile. I felt that the luck of my life had come at last. Then of a sudden thou didst hold out thy right hand and say `What hast thou to give to me?'
　　Ah, what a kingly jest was it to open thy palm to a beggar to beg! I was confused and stood undecided, and then from my wallet I slowly took out the least little grain of corn and gave it to thee.
　　But how great my surprise when at the day's end I emptied my bag on the floor to find a least little gram of gold among the poor heap. I bitterly wept and wished that I had had the heart to give thee my all.
　　我走在村路上，挨家挨户乞讨，你的黄金辇像一个华美的梦在远方出现，我猜想着谁是这位万王之王！
　　我的期许高升起来，觉得苦难的日子就要结束，我站在那等待不告而得的施予，等待遍撒尘埃的钱财。
　　马车在我站的地方停住。你的目光落到我身上，微笑着下来。我觉得我的好运终于到来。突然，你伸出右手，说：“你有什么可给我吗？”
　　啊，这是个什么样的帝王的玩笑，竟向一个乞丐伸手求乞！我疑惑了，犹豫地站着，从我的钱袋里慢慢取出一粒最小的玉米，把它给你。
　　但我有多么吃惊啊——当一日终了，我将口袋倾倒在地，发现一堆贱物中，有一颗极小的金粒。我苦涩地痛哭，恨我没有慷慨地将一切都献给你。

作者有话说

　　译于11年11月。